


Coping Mechanisms

by fuckinsteverogers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crying, F/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Thanos ewwy, Smut, Swearing, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 11:36:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17406200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinsteverogers/pseuds/fuckinsteverogers
Summary: Everyone has a coping mechanism. It just turns out yours is Steve Rogers.





	Coping Mechanisms

**Author's Note:**

> This is for WriteMarvelousThings’ writing challenge. (on tumblr) My prompt is “Could you be happy here with me?” and of course that sounded like such a Steve thing from the get-go. Idk what happened to the fic, but I kinda like it??? idk. 
> 
> Congratulations Emily on the successful Writing Challenge and I really hope you enjoy this fic.

Life with the Avengers wasn’t always nice. It wasn’t like people think. It was a lot of growing close to people, only to hug them goodbye as they leave for missions, to see them come back with blood soaking their suits and that look in their eyes. You can always tell that the mission has gone poorly.

It doesn’t mean they failed. It just means that there were casualties… Unavoidable casualties.

There were weeks where everyone was depressed after a mission, seeking out comfort in different ways. Some by punching something in the gym, some would hibernate, some would seek sex or drink, some would even shut down completely and disappear. 

It was after Sokovia that you discovered what yours was, what your coping mechanism was. You couldn’t get the screams out of your head, the visual of the entire country dropping from the sky, watching Thor and Tony go down with it. The constant sinking feeling in your stomach wouldn’t go away; it got so bad that all the food you ingested came back up.

You’d started with hibernating, but it became infuriating; lying there like you had nothing to be accountable for. Then you’d started boxing, throwing your fists at the punching bag; splitting your knuckles open from the pressure, but hitting something wasn’t what you needed… Violence wasn’t going to solve the violence in your mind. 

After a few drinks one night, everyone was still sour from Sokovia, but no one was dealing with it better than Steve. You were shocked to see no mourning period, no visible guilt; it almost made you angry.

The alcohol helped lighten the mood. Everyone was joking around, playing card games around the table, trying to dull the pain. Everyone except Steve, who was seated at the bar, swirling his scotch around the ice cubes in his glass. 

He looks on edge, hunched shoulders, eyes following the movement of the ice, swirling around and around and around.

You abandon the card game in favour of finding something you need, the feeling sitting low in your stomach. You don’t know what it is, but the gravitational pull is too strong to ignore.

“Interesting ice you’ve got there, Cap,” You greet cheekily, a slow, sly smile working its way onto your lips. Steve slowly looks up from his glass, narrowing his eyes at you before returning them to his glass. “Not feeling the card games?”

“I’m here, am I not?” He quips, and you’re taken aback by his tone. Annoyance.

“Not where it counts,” Is your response. You don’t continue when he looks back up at you, because you know he understands what you mean. His attention is in Sokovia, you can see it. The guilt slipping out with the alcohol going in. 

“Did you want something, Y/N?” Steve questions, placing his crystal glass down on the bar, straightening his shoulders; setting an imposing figure. It only makes you smirk harder, how hard he’s trying to make you leave, whimper off like a scared little girl.

“I haven’t decided yet,” You tell him honestly, eyeing his gloomy blue eyes. “We have been home for almost three weeks now. I have seen everyone go through the motions. Tony has resolved into drinking. Bucky has hibernated most of the days. Nat hasn’t left the gym for almost all of it. Everyone tiptoeing around each other, but you… The Golden Boy has yet to show his resolve, has yet to show us his coping mechanism.”

His eyes flicker as he leans forward, placing his hands on his knees, leaning into your words.

“Maybe I don’t have coping mechanisms, Agent. Maybe I’m just not guilty,” Steve tells you, his voice smooth and calm, but his eyes betray him. The brief flicker of sadness in his eyes tells you differently. It gives you all the incentive you need.

“Don’t lie to a liar, Steve,” You reply confidently, placing your own glass down onto the bar to move for him. He straightens up the moment you start moving, broadening his shoulders; it only draws your hands to them, your fingers spreading across the cloth covering the expanse of muscle. “I know what you want. No. What you need.”

You watch his face, his gloomy blue eyes trailing your face; spreading heat across your skin. You slowly run your hands along his collarbones, up the sides of his neck, not caring that the team could probably see, only wanting to show him that he doesn’t have to hide this anymore.

“What do I need, Agent?” He asks, his voice wavering slightly, not cool or calm anymore. You smile and lean into him until your lips graze his ear. The hot breath on his neck makes him shiver visibly beneath your hands.

“Someone. Maybe just for the night.” The words send you into shivers because it’s not about just him anymore. You want it too, to hold someone, to feel someone… something after all that devastation. You pull back slowly and look him in the eye, what you’re about to say deserves to be said to his face. “I want to be that person.”

“Agent…” Steve begins, his large hands folding around your delicate hips, pressing into the curves of them. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

His eyes flicker to your discarded glass before they flicker back to yours, his eyes searching yours. You drag your hands up the sides of his neck and press your palms into the roughness of his chin, the scruff of a full-blown beard over smooth skin, curling your fingers behind his head.

“I know exactly what I’m saying. A couple drinks don’t stop desire, Cap. If anything it just showed me that I can’t keep juggling the fact that every time I see you I wish I knew what your hands felt like on my skin, what you sound like when come,” You admit, staring into his eyes. Steve blushes, attempting to dip his head, but you don’t let him, pressing your thumbs beneath his chin, tilting his head back up to you. “Tell me you don’t want me, right now, and I’ll go back and sit down and we can forget this ever happened.”

“What if I can’t tell you that?” He asks, lips pressed into a thin line, his forehead wrinkling under the stress of your words. You smile, moving to press your forehead against his, breathing in his scent. 

Sokovia was devastating to the team, but it didn’t have to still be. Steve needed someone, you needed someone; it just so happened you were compatible. 

“Then take me to bed and I’ll be yours for as long as you need me,” You state, watching his eyes flicker in thought. It lasts a minute before his hands lift from your hips and you feel your resolve drop, your confidence goes down the drain.

Steve stands and you take a step back quickly, lifting your eyes to look at him. He’s looking around to the team and then suddenly, he’s grasping your hand and pulling you towards the elevator.

“You’re sure about this, Agent?” Steve asks when the elevator doors shut, his hand letting go of yours. You turn and look at him, moving in an act of passion to grip the collar of his shirt in your hand, pulling his face the short distance to yours.

“Drop the Agent, Steve,” Is all you say before you press your lips to his. His tense stature dissolves and you’re pressed against the cold wall of the elevator before you can breathe. His hand wrapped around the back of your head and his lips assaulting yours.

You moan into it, the feeling of his velvety, plush lips against yours. The moan gives him the opportunity to run his tongue along yours, turning you to jelly; making you clench in more than one place.

He’s tentative with his movements, slipping his other arm around your waist, holding your body tight against him. You slip your hands onto his shoulders, holding, gripping for dear life; all while his tongue rolls against yours, dragging moan after moan out of you.

The elevator doors slide open at some point, but you don’t notice because Steve is pulling you up and off of the ground, and you slip your legs around his hips, pressing yourself fully into the kiss.

“Jesus,” Is what Steve says when he drops you onto the bed, staring down at your panting body with lust blown eyes. You can’t help but drag your eyes down to the bulge the size of a beer bottle in his pants, admiring the hard state you’ve put him in. “Strip.”

You blink up at your Captain. Gone is Steve, the kind, cheeky man. In front of you is your superior. You had your suspicions about what Steve was like in bed, craving control at every step, demanding the submission, but it’s so different to be looking at the face of your Captain when you’ve soaked through your panties, clenching, demanding his attention.

“Did I stutter, Y/N?” He begins, taking one languid step forward and the action makes you scramble, ripping your dress off, presenting yourself to him in the black lingerie. You hover over them, lifting your eyes to make sure he meant completely, and when you see the look in his eyes, you unclip your bra, tossing it across the room.

You don’t get to your panties before his hands are on you. Large, searing hot hands running over your skin, caressing your breasts, curving under your arms to lift your body into his. 

He sits, placing you in his lap like you weight nothing, because to him you do. You’ve still got your panties on, but it doesn’t matter to Steve because he’s pulling them aside, staring down at your body with a slightly agape mouth. You catch the slightest glimpse of his pink, wet tongue and practically sob as you lean up and attach your mouth to his.

It doesn’t take long for the room to get hot. Steve’s tongue lapping at yours, his fingers finding your clit and rolling it between his thumb and index finger. You moan into his mouth, your fingers curling into his shoulders.

“Steve,” You moan into his mouth, rolling your hips down against his fingers. The movement motivates Steve, as he slips a finger quickly into you; a groan surfacing from his chest as he feels the warm, tight, velvety inside of your pussy.

“This is going to be quick, Y/N,” He tells you, pulling away from your lips. You automatically chase them, watching as he removes the finger from within you, furthering your disappointment of loss of contact. He unbuttons his pants and reaches inside, your eyes drift back to his face as you lean up, allowing him to do what he wishes beneath you.

“I’m yours for as long as you need, Steve,” You repeat, gripping his shoulders, watching as he strokes his large cock beneath you before he slowly rubs the tip against your wetness; his other hand holding your panties to the side, not caring enough to remove them.

“Tell me if it hurts,” Is all he says before he places the head of his hard cock at your entrance, looking at you expectedly. You look at him too, taking in the man who any woman would be lucky to have in this position. 

You pull him into a searing kiss before dropping your weight onto his cock. Your scream dies in his mouth, his hands scrambling for your hips. The movement only has him halfway inside you, but you already feel like you’re being torn to pieces.

And you fucking love it.

The feeling of pain spreading beneath the pleasure has your nerves buzzing, your fingers tightening dangerously in his hair, your lips seeking him out. You are craving the pain, the subjugation, the exhilaration. 

“Shit, Cap, Steve. Shit,” Is all you get out as you push yourself to sink further. Your mouth falling open as his does too. His fingers tightening on your hips, probably trying to stall your movements. 

“Stop, doll. Stop. It’s hurting you,” Steve scrambles, observant. You shake your head, assuring him you’re okay. The pain is secondary to the pleasure, but it only enhances it. Slowly, staring into Steve’s eyes, at the face of the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen, your ass hits his thighs and you’re wiggling to get the last few cms into you.

“I want it, fuck. Steve,” You moan, slowly rolling your hips down into his lap, feeling the ultimate stretch of his cock within you.

“You want the pain?” He questions, lust blown eyes following the movements of your hips as you slowly lift up and drop yourself back down; the drag of his cock working magic within you. “I can give you that, doll.”

The air rushes out of you as he flips you over, your back pressing onto the cold sheets, his cock still buried inside you. The change of position makes your toes curl as he shifts his hips back slowly and then thrusts hard back into you.

“I have never felt such a tight cunt before,” Steve starts, and you have to stop a moment to take in the words because he just said cunt. You didn’t even know that he knew that word. “You are so beautiful. I can’t believe you want me too.”

“Steve,” Is all you manage as his hips pick up speed, his cock dragging deliciously inside you.

Steve grips your thighs tightly, lifting one to place it on his shoulder, leaning forward to press your knee into your chest. The position makes you scream out his name, his cockhead hitting your g-spot perfectly.

His cock slams into the soft tissue of your g-spot over and over again, sending you into a rambling mess. You don’t know what you say, begging in some form. You just know you’re bare beneath a God and he is still clothed, your wetness spreading across his pants, but neither of you cares enough to fix it because you’re rapidly approaching your orgasm and Steve doesn’t look far behind you.

“I almost forgot about the pain, doll,” Steve growls as he presses his lips to your neck, rolling his hips fast into yours; cock sliding in and out of your hot wetness. “Did you want my hand in your hair, ripping your head back? My teeth on your pink, pert nipples? My hand around your throat?”

You can’t answer. How are you meant to when he’s grinding his cock so hard into your pussy that it’s sending you into a frenzy?

“Alright then, doll. Dealer’s choice,” He grins, sitting up and stalling his actions. You all but squirm away, whining at the loss of pleasure as he drags his cock from within you.

He grips your hips and flips you over, tugging your hips up and shoving his cock straight back into your swollen, abused pussy. You feel his hand slip into your hair as his hips begin to roll again, and then he’s tugging you back harshly against his chest.

The streak of pain that travels down your spine has you clenching around his cock, moaning loudly at the thrill of the pain melting with the pleasure. 

He’s slamming into you, groaning loudly, releasing all the pleasure out into the room for you to hear when he moves his other hand to curl it around your throat, an insistent hand to begin with.

“Going to come for me, sweetheart? I can feel it. You’re quivering against my cock,” He groans into your ear. You slam your hips back against his in response, gripping his wrist as he tightens his fingers around your throat, cutting off your air with the delicious lick of pain. “Let go for me.”

“Steve,” You whine breathlessly as it all comes crashing down around you. You throw your head back against his shoulder as you scream out his name to the high heavens, bearing down against him as your orgasm spills out of the cracks, the coil snapping in your stomach.

“That’s it, doll. I’ve got you,” He says, holding you tight, but not slowing the slam of his hips into your ass, not stopping his thrusting, chasing his own orgasm. It comes before yours ends and he’s coming hard, probably seeing white as you feel the spurts of hot cum inside you. The feeling of his cum spilling within you makes you clench hard, your orgasm rolling over you in waves, and when it stops, you fall forward.

Steve catches you in his arms, holding you tight against his chest as he rolls his cock inside you, chasing the last of his orgasm as the cum slowly stops flooding inside you.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Steve asks, concerned. He lies both of you on the bed, his cock softening inside of you, his cum spilling out around it. You can’t find the energy to care.

“I’ve never been better,” You reply honestly, shuffling back into his chest and closing your eyes around the bliss of the best orgasm you’ve ever had.

Steve wraps himself around your back, encasing your almost naked figure in his heat. His chest rising and falling begins to hush you off to sleep, and just as you’re about to fall into the deep dark abyss of sleep, you slip your hand into one of his, lacing your fingers together.

Steve just tightens his grip on you.

It turns out that sex is complicated. It turns out that ‘for as long as you need me’ was originally until the pain of Sokovia left, but then more missions started and pain returned, then the fight between Tony and Steve which meant you were faced with a moral decision. 

It broke your heart to side with Tony, to face Steve across the airport, to see him like that when you knew how you felt about him, but you needed accountability, you all did.

You didn’t see him again until Thanos wiped out half of your team and almost killed the man you love. You fought and fought until finally, you won, the fight over before it really begun. The restoration of the team took time and you kept your distance while it happened, watching ominously as Steve tried to get his best friend back. 

The Avengers headquarters seemed so small with everyone there again. Including the new additions, not Avengers, but friends. You stand against the wall watching the wounds get mended, watching Wanda and Vision embrace each other, rightfully so after what they’ve been through, but your eyes can’t bear to look at Steve, after everything.

You have to stop yourself from crying throughout all of it, throughout the introduction to the Guardians of the Galaxy, to Stephen, to the team you haven’t seen for years. 

You are able to hold the tears back until you look at Steve, who’s sitting in an armchair, long legs stretched in front of him, nodding along to a story being told by Peter Quill. Then his eyes lift to yours and you see everything within them, the fear of what just happened, but also his need for you, like old times and your calmness drops completely. 

You have to plaster a hand to your mouth to stop the sobs as you turn and run for the doors, pushing the glass doors open and letting it all loose. Your back hits the wall and you don’t care anymore, hurting from inside out. You watched the people you love die, only to have to keep fighting, almost dying in an attempt to get them back.

“Y/N!” Steve shouts, pushing through the glass doors. “Come here.”

You do, you go to him like you always used to. He drags your sobbing body to him and then it’s like old times, truly, because he’s melding his lips with yours and swallowing the sobs rising from your chest. 

You don’t care that the entire room full of people are watching you because it’s Steve. 

You bury your fingers in his hair and squeeze your eyes shut. He doesn’t kiss you for long, just enough to leave his taste in your mouth and to stop your sobs. Instead, he buries his face in your neck and breathes you in, tightening his grip on your waist.

“I can’t do this anymore,” You say, at the end of your rope. Steve lifts his head and looks at you.

“What do you mean? We haven’t even touched in two years,” He says, confused and annoyed. His eyebrows furrowing as he completely misses your point.

“No. I mean this.” Waving your hands around at the Avengers headquarters. “Being an Avenger, watching my friends… my family die over and over again.”

“Then don’t. Come with me,” Steve suggests, looking down at you with sadness in his eyes. He still doesn’t get the point.

“And fight somewhere else? No.”

“Y/N,” Steve broaches, but you’re overwhelmed, so you step back, out of his arms.

“I can’t fight anymore. Not like this. This,” You wave your hands around again, “Them,” You point to the room full of fighters watching the exchange. “I’ve been fighting my entire life. When does it end?”

“It doesn’t,” Steve tells you. He’s being honest, but it doesn’t stop it from stinging. “The fight will never stop, but I want to be with you. I’ve wanted to be with you since Sokovia.”

“But you won’t stop the fight, will you?” You question, your eyes staring daggers up into his wide ones. His eyes flicker in thought and you stare as they change through the emotions.

“For you, Y/N, I’d do anything,” Steve replies honestly, reaching to take your hands in his, still not caring about the room full of people watching your declarations.

“You’d leave all this? Leave the shield and Cap?” You ask, staring into his gloomy blue eyes, like all those years ago. 

“I left the shield and Cap two years ago. I’m done with the fight if it means I get you,” He murmurs, removing one of his hands from yours and dragging it up your cheek, feeling the soft skin he’s missed so much. “My feelings haven’t changed since I declared my love for you all those years ago.”

You eye him for a moment, watching him do the same. You wrap your fingers around his wrist and drag his hand from your face, looking at him fully.

“Could you be happy here with me? Like this, just us?” You gesture between you both. “As just us. Not the Agent or the War hero, but two people who love each other.”

“I can’t get rid of our pasts, Y/N. You’ll always be an Avenger and I’ll always be the man frozen in time, but the man before the ice would have said yes, a million times yes,” Steve admits, looking down at his hands wrapped around yours. You sneak a glance into the common room, noticing everyone has seated themselves, still obviously interested in your discussion. You eyes direct back to Steve as he continues. “The man after would have never agreed, but now? Everything that has happened… Everything I’ve seen has shown me how important those you love are and I fully intend on showing you how important you are.”

You begin to tear up again, looking up at the man you are so deeply in love with, something that started off as a distraction turned into the best love you’ll ever have.

Steve reaches into the pocket of his suit, unzipping one of the many compartments.

“In our travels to find the winter soldiers, we passed through this little town in Russia. They had an antique shop with this in the window and while I was frustrated, angry even, that you’d sided with Tony, I knew one thing for certain,” Steve stops, his hand stalling in his pocket. You drag your eyes up to his eyes, following them as he kneels in front of you. “That you are the best goddamn thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Steve, shit,” You say suddenly, covering your mouth as he opens the velvet box, and there, in the little cushion is a ring, a beautiful ring and he’s kneeling in front of you, in front of everyone, not caring about the audience because it’s just you and him, here and forever.

“I didn’t think that my coping mechanism would ever be more than that. I didn’t think I’d find love for a second time in my life and I sure as hell didn’t think any dame would want to be with me, but you’ve proven me wrong every single time. You were my only thought those two years, every step of the way, you were there to motivate me to come home, to be here, to give you this,” He looks at you with those doe blue eyes, and you start to cry. “To ask you to be my wife.”

You stare into the eyes of the man you love, tears bubbling over and down your cheeks and you’re nodding.

“Yes, Steve! Yes!” You shout and he’s putting the ring on your finger. The moment it’s on, you throw yourself at him, arms tight around his shoulders and your lips crashing hard against his. 

The cheering is loud enough to be heard through the glass doors, but you don’t care, because you’re kneeling on the floor and your fiance is burying his hands in your hair and is kissing you to make up for all the lost time.

And for once, after a fight, you don’t feel guilty; you feel contentment, knowing that something good finally came out of the fight and that was no fight at all.


End file.
